Friendship is a reciprocal arrangement. You are not morally obliged to support someone who is making the world a worse place. Quite the opposite. You should choose people who want things to be better, not worse. it’s a good thing, not a selfish thing, to choose people who are good for you. It’s appropriate and praiseworthy to associate with people whose lives would be improved if they saw your life improve.

If you surround yourself with people who support your upward aim, they will not tolerate your cynicism and destructiveness. They will instead encourage you when you do good for yourself and others and punish you carefully when you do not. This will help bolster your resolve to do what you should do, in the most appropriate and careful manner.

…

Don’t think that it is easier to surround yourself with good healthy people than with bad unhealthy people. It’s not. A good healthy person is an ideal. It requires strength and daring to stand up near such a person. Have some humility. Have some courage. Use your judgement, and protect yourself from too-uncritical compassion and pity.

Make friends with people who want the best for you.

Jordan B. Peterson, 12 Rules for Life

I feel like there’s a fundamental difference between childhood/teenager friendships and adult friendships. 

It’s easy to make friends when you are young: such friendships are nurtured through proximity or through common context and situations, be it school, sports or social groups. Such friendships are usually pretty light on substance – they are lubricated by easy interactions and good vibes, and after years of hanging together, common memories and a deeper understanding for one another might develop.

You might think this equates to a strong adult friendship but I think that’s fallacy – just because someone understands you, has common memories, and just because spending time with then feels comfortable and easy doesn’t mean you have a strong adult friendship.

Think about it – even enemies could understand you well and have common memories. And spending time with enemies could feel comfortable and easy if they want to lull you into a sense of security. 

So what’s in an adult friendship? I think its about wanting the best for each other and being willing to call each other out. It’s about being honest, and seeking accountability rather than just seeking easy, breezy interactions. 

I think we really do need such friends – but they are going to be far and few. But once we’ve mutually identified each other, it’s about prioritising time with them. Of course, we’re still going to be surrounded with a sea of casual acquaintances as well as casual friends with which we have easy, breezy interactions with, but these should not drown out or substitute the hunt for true adult friends.