I disagree that you don’t make new friends after 60.

What you have to do is you have to be intentional.

You have to pursue people that you want to be friends with. And you have to say “I’m intentionally wanting to be your friend.” And it works. People hear that and then stick around, and you develop new friendships.

Jane Fonda

I really like this.

I’m a 1:1 type of person – if I want you as a friend, I would want to get to know how you think – what are your values, what are your opinions and more. These conversations typically only happen in the safe space that a 1:1 affords.

Yet, whilst I sometimes take the initiative, sometimes I get tired. I overthink, I read into the narrative that “perhaps this person is too busy to have me in their life”. I genuinely believe that at a certain age it’s just harder to make friends because groups and friendships seem so entrenched.

Furthermore, I fear the rejection if I were to be so blunt and directly say things like “I’m intentionally wanting to be your friend”. I actually can’t imagine myself saying this to a friend without feeling slightly embarrassed.

But why? What do I stand to lose?

If said “friend” laughs into my face and tells everyone about it, he probably isn’t worth my effort. Otherwise, if friend responds some variant of “they can try but might be too busy”, at least I have made my intentions crystal clear. I realise as an asian society we are so afraid of honest speech, preferring to read between the lines and paint our own narratives (which could be disastrously wrong). But really, this isn’t the way I want to live my life.