Here’s a scene that parents around the world have witnessed over and over. It’s a second or third birthday, and the big present comes out. Imagine the family chagrin when their little darling is more interested in playing with the box than the present.

Parents should be happy about such a turn of events. It shows that their child has developed a healthy play drive, one that comes from their own fantasies and desires. The box is a blank slate, something they can transform through imagination into anything they want.

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We may think we are helping to prepare our kids for the future when we organise all their time, when we continually ferry them from one adult-organized, adult-regulated activity to another. And, of course, to some degree these activities do promote culturally approved behaviour as well as reinforce our roles as “good” parents. But in fact we may be taking from them the time they need to discover for themselves their most vital talents and knowledge. We may be depriving them of access to an inner motivation for an activity that will later blossom into a motive force for life.

Stuart Brown M.D., Play

They say it takes a village to raise a kid.

As an uncle of two nieces, it makes me wonder what’s my role and responsibility. I sometimes get irrationally annoyed when I see my nieces “acting out” – rolling their eyes, insisting on their ways, being utterly withdrawn and disengaged. Such behaviour could be easily forgiven when they are young and adorable but at a certain age we start calling it “bratty behaviour” and worry about their social growth.

I think the best gift we can give to our kids, as member of the de facto village, is the collective space to explore and play in order to figure out the edges and nuances of their personality. This space needs boundaries of course, but it can’t be overly restrictive and suffocating. Kids need to feel safe within the space to explore, but also have enough freedom to traverse the space.