Steve and I sat down in 2008 and made a practical list of the things that make our family work. We basically answered the question, “When things are going really well in our family, what does it look like?” The answers included sleep, working out, healthy food, cooking, time off, weekends away, going to church, being present with the kids, a sense of control over our money, meaningful work that doesn’t consume us, time to piddle, time with family and close fiends, alone time, and time to just hand out. These were (and are) or “ingredients for joy and meaning.”

Then we looked at the dream list that we started making a couple of years earlier (and kept adding to). Everything on this list was an accomplishment or an acquisition – a house with more bedrooms, a trip here, personal salary goals, professional endeavours, and so forth. Everything required that we make more money and spend more money.

When we compared our dream list to our “joy and meaning” list, we realised that by merely letting go of the list of things we want to accomplish and acquire, we would be actually living out dream – not striving to make it happen in the future, but living it right now. The things we were working toward did nothing in terms of making our life fuller.

…

But what if I’m wrong? What if we’re normal and quiet and happy? Does that count?

I guess the answer to this is only yes if it counts to us. If what matters to us is what we’re concerned about, then play and rest is important. If what matters to us is what other people think or say or value, then it’s back to exhaustion and producing for self-worth.

Brene Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection

You know, sometimes I feel like I belong in that camp of people who had potential but didn’t live up to his full potential.

I have a distinct memory when of my first few days in Raffles Institution – during orientation camp, where a teacher first pushed the notion that we were special – that each and everyone of us was destined for great things – leaders in our fields, thinkers etc.

That notion of being special was constantly drilled into us. Being normal was not ok – we had to lead, to excel, to overcome. Perhaps that’s why.. the notion of being normal somewhat terrifies me.

I suspect there’s a lot more to unpack than I can in this short-form daily blog post but I want to dwell in the notion that normal can be beautiful and happy.

I also want to come up with my own list of “ingredients for joy and meaning”:

• hanging with good friends for chats over coffee
• tasting good food that isn’t ridiculously priced
• playing boardgames
• having a good workout – tennis, bouldering, exercise sessions
• taking long walks to nowhere – on the beach, around the neighbourhood
• exploring new places and spaces – farmer’s markets, art galleries
• talking to people in depth and understanding new perspectives from them